Tag: reality

Planet Earth II Review: Deserts

David Attenborough’s Planet Earth II is admittedly not this blog’s usual fare.

But I did watch last Sunday’s episode, after a day’s hard NaNoing, having had no previous experience of it (including the 2006 series), and two things really struck me about it, both of them things you wouldn’t necessarily expect from what’s essentially a wildlife documentary.

The first was the self-conscious artistry of the show: it’s stunningly shot, artfully narrated and constructed with a very obvious eye to storytelling.

The second was the taut and ambiguous environmental politics that clusters around it. It’s obviously going for observational objectivity, at least on the surface, observing the wonder of nature without commenting on wider-world issues – a kind of snapshot of desert life, without interpretation or commentary. But, of course, true objectivity doesn’t exist, and we should be wary of anything that makes a claim to it.

Where do I start? Well, if Deserts has a theme it’s that of fragility. This is an episode that’s keen to remind us that nature is red in tooth and claw indeed; that all the ways mankind has invented of killing each other is matched and more than matched by the inventive barbarism with which evolution has equipped the animals of our planet. Here, we see the butcher bird (a cheerful creature that looks not unlike a jay or a magpie) impale prey animals on spikes as a larder; the blind and extremely fluffy golden mole which swims through desert sands swallow insects whole from beneath (surely the inspiration for China Mieville’s Railsea); the sand grouse risk its life carrying water (in its chest feathers) to its family 120 miles away.

But it’s about fragility in a wider sense, too: no wildlife documentary can skim over the fact of dramatic and possibly catastrophic climate change, and with deserts getting hotter and drier by the year there’s an ever-present sense of threat hanging over everything that happens in the episode, the warning that all this wonder and strange savagery could be swept away in the blink of an eye.

And I think this temporal, this historical fragility is encapsulated in the case of the locusts. One of the episode’s segments features an enormous locust swarm, which the episode’s HD filming captures lovingly, as a thing wondrous and amazing and “wow, look at what nature can do”.

And yet – we’re told, both in the narration of this sequence and the diary section at the end where the filmmakers relate how difficult it was to find any bloody locusts (my favourite part being where they were in a helicopter saying “Look! Is that a swarm?” and the pilot said, “No, it’s just smoke”) that such swarms devastate crop fields that people are relying on to survive.

It’s a segment that’s brilliantly demonstrating the constant tension between the need to conserve nature and the need to keep people safe and alive and happy.

It’s not a conundrum to which Sir David offers any answers; partly, I suppose, because there aren’t really any good ones. But it’s this tension, this focus on the fundamentally untenable state of affairs in which what’s good for nature isn’t what’s good for us, that made Deserts, for me, so much more memorable than wildlife documentaries usually are.


I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse: Ep. 3

“Something whispers in every silence and there is writing on every wall.”

Kate Heartfield

Yes, I am still watching this.

I’m still intrigued by the concept, although it’s becoming more and more contrived as the days wear on. I’m still kind of fascinated by the people who signed up for this whole trip. And, well, it’s easy enough to watch in the evenings.

This week, the producers are obviously focusing on the contestants who rarely leave the base. On another water-fetching excursion (which at least has the excuse of being a genuine survival activity, unlike the other two challenges, which involve gathering cleaning supplies and vegetables, both of which I feel are luxuries if you are about to be eaten by zombies), the voice in the ceiling encourages anyone who hasn’t left the room in 24 hours to do so, for “fresh air and exercise”. Yep, those are priorities right there.

In any case, it does allow us to see Jackie and Sara emerge blinking into the light of day, which is not always complimentary. Sara in particular has been dedicating her third day of zombie apocalypse survival to a screaming row with Amena, for reasons. They’re both kind of insufferable, actually: the zombie apocalypse really shows you who the nice people are.

Still, it was good to see some variation on the usual run out, run back mission structure. The last mission has three contestants sitting in a room for three hours waiting for instructions; one has to dress up as a zombie to get past them (nonsensical given the backstory of the programme, but who’s complaining), one has to run past some chained-up zombies (very tense), and one has to climb some scaffolding. Inventiveness. Possibly.

Gods, I’m tired.

Still. Onwards into zombie-apocalypse land. See you in the afterlife.

L-space News: I recently discovered the yearly Tournament of Books over at The Morning News; this year’s Tournament started this morning, and I’ve spent all day talking with random Internet strangers about David Mitchell’s The Bone Clocks. Try it, it’s fun!

The Great Comic Relief Bake Off: Ep. 1

“Who doesn’t like a good cake analogy?”

Erin Morgenstern

It’s not the real Bake Off, but it’s close enough for now.

The Great Comic Relief Bake Off is a celebrity special, so it’s a little different from the proper show. The bar is lower, the contestants are chattier, Mary Berry is nicer (if that is actually possible), the bottoms are soggier. As it were. Joanna Lumley is a delight, Dame Edna Everidge is profoundly, deeply irritating, Jennifer Saunders is funny in a matter-of-fact kind of way. It’s all very Bake Off-y; Britishly humorous, mildly competitive, lashings of chocolate. This is exactly what you need for your lunch break. And possibly all lunch breaks ever.

(Sorry, I’m kind of tired today.)

I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse: Ep. 2

“It may be that, deadened by information, we are glad of these awful, intent and nameless beings as to whom no information is to be had.”

Elizabeth Bowen

Oh, yes. I’m back in zombieland for more apocalyptic fun. Gods alone know why.

Actually, the second episode was rather more engaging than the first. The “survivors” were given three tasks which kept the tension up nicely and meant that the more Big Brother-ish segments of bickering and group politics were kept, thankfully, to a minimum, even if “going out to check the missing-persons list” feels a bit contrived as a reason for risking your life (even fictionally) in a zombie-infested wasteland.

The main reason this all seems a bit unrealistic, though, is the slightly debonair way in which the contestants are taking this. (Of course, this is inevitable unless, like Derren Brown, you want to traumatise your participants.) It transpires that at the beginning of the second day they have no water and little food left, which seems ridiculous given that they had to drag in a whole crate of the stuff on day one. Their approach to conservation of resources becomes clear later on in the episode, when they finally receive some supplies from a successful mission: “Let’s all have a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit!” (Incidentally, no-one thought of drinking boiled rainwater until quite some time after it became evident that the water was running out.) It’s absolutely clear that everyone is treating this as a sort of mildly uncomfortable backpacking trip rather than a zombie apocalypse, and no amount of painstaking set construction and fake “death” scenes can change that vibe.

Because when a contestant “dies” (read: gets caught by an actor in zombie makeup), it’s not enough that they leave the show. Oh, no. We have to have a display of prosthetic blood and guts, because otherwise we, the reality TV generation, will not understand that They Have Left. This isn’t, strictly speaking, the BBC’s fault, but I do think it says something unpleasant about our watching habits when scenes featuring a zombie tearing someone’s entrails out manage to filter even into a gameshow. Like: we know this is fictional. The entire set-up is so deeply unrealistic in all of its details that no-one could take it for reality, or even for a zombie drama. There’s no claim for accuracy of representation that the show can make to justify that rather disturbing violence.

Why am I still watching this, then? Well, because it’s on, I suppose, and also because it’s genuinely an intriguing premise, mixing fiction with reality in a way which, if it isn’t quite unique, at least feels fresh. I hesitate to use the word innovative, but I wonder, will we be getting Game of Thrones-themed gameshows soon? Gameshows with alien invasions? If someone made a steampunk gameshow I would be their friend for ever.

I Survived the Zombie Apocalypse: Ep. 1

“She and her friends had reached the same sad age when one can change no longer, and can only become more oneself.”

Elizabeth Bowen

Oh gods. Can I actually be bothered to write about this?

I Survived the Zombie Apocalypse is a BBC Three invention: a reality gameshow about a group of people trying to survive the zombie apocalypse. As I remember, Derren Brown did a similar thing with his Apocalypse (although the single participant in that “experiment” was not actually aware that the whole thing was an elaborate hoax, as these contestants clearly are), and both programmes fall down on the same point: there’s a sense that everything is pretty much manufactured for maximum drama, so that the contestants are not so much surviving through skill as through luck, or the whims of the producers.

Of course, this is probably also the case for less obviously staged gameshows like I’m A Celebrity, but it’s particularly glaring here for the simple reason that zombies don’t actually exist, so it’s not like responding to a known threat. It’s a group of people running away from some actors in bad makeup. Somehow the tension isn’t really there. It feels more like a camping holiday than anything else.

Still, there are some amusing characters in the group. Well, perhaps “amusing” is the wrong word. “Funny for about five seconds, and then deeply annoying” is probably closer to the bone, especially in the case of Thom, who has an obsession with telling the same story about Lady Gaga every ten minutes and not contributing anything else. Or Amena, an athlete who’s more interested with making eyes at Kavon (sample quote: “Girls come on to me more than I go on to them”) than in, you know, helping. Or Megan, who “just wants everyone to be happy”, no joke.

It’s an inventive concept, though, and there is the possibility of some genuine scares coming up later in the series. At the moment it feels a bit too Big Brother-ish to be really engaging.

Now You See It: Ep 1

“Memory plays tricks. Memory is another word for story, and nothing is more unreliable.”

Ann-Marie MacDonald

Oooh. look, the BBC has a new magic show! Hurrah, right?

Unfortunately, it actually turns out to be something like You’ve Been Framed but with magic. So while it’s mildly interesting if you haven’t seen the clips before (which you might have, since they seem to have been garnered from sources many and various), mostly because of Mel Bake Off Giedroyc’s gently humorous narration, you’re not going to need to be glued to it every week. It’s just scheduling stuff, really. Disappointing; it’s been ages since I’ve seen any really good magic.

When’s Derren Brown coming back, again?

Dogs: Their Secret Lives

“It is when we are most lost that we sometimes find our truest friends.”

Cynthia Rylant

So my parents quite recently acquired a pair of rescue dogs, turning the household from a one-cat family to a two-dog-and-one-grumpy-cat one. Apparently, this means that we now have to watch every single dog programme there is on telly, and, in case you hadn’t noticed, there are a LOT. Especially in the run-up to Christmas, when people like to look at cute things and be cheerful.

This particular episode of Dogs: Their Secret Lives is, according to the Channel 4 website, a sort of round-up affair, revisiting dogs that have previously been seen on the show because they were too fat or too neurotic or whatever to find out How They Are. Spoiler alert: they’re all better. Of course they are.

There’s an overweight King Charles spaniel who’s blatantly being fed on the sly at the owner’s pub (though the obviousness of this does not stop the presenter, vet Mark Walker, from rigging up cameras to keep an eye on the animal); a little black bull terrier type who won’t go outside; and a Scottish terrier who attacks his owner’s husband on a regular basis. It’s a little like Supernanny for dogs. (Superpetsitter?) Except that, unlike Supernanny, which was simply gratuitous voyeurism, Dogs: Their Secret Lives actually offers a few interesting tidbits, like the fact that dogs actually respond differently to different human emotions. You know you always secretly thought that your dog knew when you were upset? Turns out you were right.

It is, admittedly, fairly average fare for a Monday evening, but there are worse things to watch than fluffy happy doggies, and it’s amazing how much less annoying ‘average’ can be when you’re also preoccupied with counting stitches.* It’s certainly a good deal less irritating than, e.g., a nonsensical episode of Doctor Who (which is to say, all episodes of Doctor Who), and definitely more soothing than The Apprentice. So I’m not, on the whole, complaining.

*I’m sorry to go on about the knitting, but it is actually very diverting. And satisfying. There’s nothing like looking at a row of good purling (or even mediocre purling) to cheer you up.