The Apprentice: Country Show

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Aesop

YES, Constant Reader, I am, due to the vicissitudes of the wondrous process we all call Life, horribly behind on my various reviewerly duties. I apologize. Country Show is not, therefore, this week’s Apprentice offering but last week’s.

So. In last week’s episode of The Apprentice, our intrepid candidates were sent off to the wilds of Somerset, to go sell stuff at the Royal Bath and West Show. I love the Royal Bath and West Show, because food and cute animals and rides and FOOD (and I’m pretty sure I once saw Prince Charles there), so I had a great time watching this episode. (The fact that I watched it with the University Gang was also excellent – real-time snark is even more fun than Internet snark.)

Country Show was, admittedly, a particularly good episode in its own right, full of those peculiarly stupid decisions that only the most self-interested and -absorbed among us can make. There were – wait for it – not one but two of what I’m going to call Apprentice Scandals: things so disastrously unprofessional or just idiotic that they will get you fired. Firstly, Desperate Daniel, upset that his team had learned never, ever to trust him with anything important, tried to pick a fight with the supremely unaggressive Felipe (“I will never stop being a nice man,” the latter said later in the boardroom, causing, I am sure, a country-wide utterance of “Awww…”), while apparently accusing Mark of telepathic manipulation. “You’ve got inside Felipe’s head! You’ve turned him against me!”

Careful, Daniel, you’re beginning to sound a bit desperate there.

Then along comes our Other Favourite Character, Mouthy James. Having chosen, along with his team, to sell hot tubs, he’s turned down by the vendor Anthony for repeatedly addressing him as Derek. (“If that’s all he’s worried about, a name, then I don’t want to work with him anyway!”) As if this wasn’t bad enough, he then proceeds to lie to his team about why they won’t be selling hot tubs, pretending that he changed his mind at the last minute. You could just hear the producers celebrating in the cutting room, because this is Apprentice gold. It’s what makes this show popular: ridiculous people being deflated. It’s televised karma, essentially.

I’m also going to make a cautious prediction at this point about Who Will Win. I think it’s going to be Roisin. Think about it: she’s reserved, professional, cautious, intelligent and a consistent contributor. Or, in other words, the best of a bad bunch.

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