Masterchef: The Professionals Ep. 1

“Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grows in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”

Terry Pratchett

As one food-based competition is consigned to the Purgatory of Unifinished Shows, so another one rises. The MasterChef juggernaut rolls on with The Professionals, which is essentially what it sounds like: established chefs competing for attention and recognition. The MasterChef kitchen is filled with unsmiling, rather surly men (there are no female chefs, notably, in this episode, save for one of the judges) all trying to Cook the Perfect Dish. It’s actually quite exhausting. I gave up actually listening about halfway through and just looked at the food instead.

It wasn’t even that funny when everyone failed the technical test, essentially a profiterole tower for which the judges did not provide adequate instructions, and were then surprised when they all fell over.

Then they all made quail. Or something. It’s too complicated to follow. Or I’m too tired. Why can’t I have Bake Off back? At least that had jokes. MasterChef just has Gregg Wallace talking rubbish in front of professional chefs. And gods know that’s no fun.

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