The Apprentice: Dubai

“Pack your camels, we’re going to Dubai.”

The Apprentice

Today we are back with the Almighty Lord Sugar and his troupe of desperate candidates. For reasons that remain unclear, the candidates are shipped out to Dubai, of all places, for what appears to be a glorified treasure hunt: each team is given a list of eight items to procure for a five-star hotel. The Almighty Lord Sugar makes some noises (via a plasma telly, Big Brother-style; because of course he is far too important to fly out to Dubai for a day) about how the candidates are “representing” him and had better not let him down in this massively important job, but of course this is all rubbish. How likely, I ask you, is it that any self-respecting hotel would hire a team of amateurs on a reality TV show to buy one of each item in an unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar currency when they could get a local supplier to do the same thing, probably for a cheaper price? What, exactly, is this mega-hotel (apparently three times bigger than the Kremlin) going to do with one potted palm (or even two)? The “negotiating task”, as the Almighty Sugar dubs it optimistically, is the most contrived one on the show. And they did exactly the same thing for the Savoy in London last year, so flying fourteen people to Dubai and back in a day seems like a monstrous and completely unnecessary waste of resources.

As you can probably guess, this episode annoyed me.

It was quite amusing, though, watching how the candidates reacted to being in Dubai. Lord Vetinari Jason seemed for some reason to adopt a vaguely Arabic accent and went around patronising all the non-English speakers who had the misfortune to cross his path; Napoleon Zee proclaimed that he knew Dubai like the back of his hand and promptly fell flat on his face when it transpired that what he thought was perfume was in fact a musical instrument; and I-Think-His-Name-Is-Kurt found out that imperial measures do not work outside of Britain, and consequently bought a flag that was about a foot long instead of six.

In any case, this episode was a lot more entertaining than Farm Shop, and the right candidate was fired. The Apprentice juggernaut, it seems, rolls on.

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