The Apprentice: Farm Shop

“In my spirit will I dwell,
And dream my dream, and hold it true.”

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Apologies for foisting yet another Apprentice review on you, but this will be the last one for a while, since Farm Shop is, finally, the latest episode! Hurrah!

As the title suggests, this week the assorted candidates must open a farm shop in the middle of London in order to sell unsuspecting citizens ridiculously overpriced produce whose nutritional benefit is probably minimal. The perfect test for Lord Sugar’s ideal minion, then. Hilariously, this was announced while the candidates were corralled in what looked like a cattle market while the Almighty Lord Sugar looked down at them from the other side of a fence. Honestly, the arrogance of the man is astounding, and I was quite pleased to hear Plucky Jordan attempting to take him down a peg or two in the boardroom:

“Have you ever eaten buffalo, Lord Sugar?”

“No.”

“Well, maybe you should.”

At this point there was an awkward silence in the boardroom as his teammates attempted to give the impression that they had no idea who this impudent man was, but I was inwardly going, “Yes! The Almighty Lord Sugar has shown weakness!”

Talking of arrogant people getting their comeuppance, Neil Clough (who, I think, needs no other nickname) decided finally to take on PM-ship of Endeavour, despite knowing absolutely nothing about farming, because, allegedly, he is “a born leader”. This translates as “bossy as hell and arrogant as Sauron or at least the Almighty Lord Sugar”. I immediately hoped he would lose. Apart from that, however, I had no particular strong feelings about this episode, unless you count mild dislike for Snooty Myles’ annoyance that the baked potatoes he was trying to sell were not pretty enough. Baked potatoes are not, I feel, a food that you can make pretty.

Oh, and the tension-building tactic that the Almighty Lord Sugar used in the boardroom annoyed me. JUST TELL US WHO WILL BE FIRED! (Although how you can be fired without ever having been hired is beyond me.)

Lord Vetinari Jason remains the most interesting character in this collection of cliches, but not by much. Let’s hope something more interesting happens next week.

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