Eclipse

“The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences.”

Stephenie Meyer

I sort of feel as if all Twilight criticism has been outdone by the highly addictive Reasoning with Vampires blog, which exhaustively and hilariously catalogues all the reasons why the Twilight saga is rubbish.

But my annoyance with Eclipse needs to be vented, so I shall do my best to come up with reasons of my own.

Just to be clear, the first time I read this, along with all my friends, during the Great Twilight Craze of 2009, I loved it. I can only conclude that we were all under the influence of mass hysteria like that encountered by the inhabitants of Salem circa 1690, since Eclipse is so obviously awful, for reasons outlined below.

Reasons Why Eclipse Is Awful:

  • Meyer is very fond of telling us “how truly good” the Cullens are, without giving us much actual evidence apart from the “vegetarian vampire” thing. For instance, a vampire killing spree in nearby Seattle is “not our problem”, despite the 39 deaths and the fact that it’s probably only the Cullens who can do very much about it. Giving murderers an SEP field (see Douglas Adams’ Life, the Universe and Everything. Alternatively, Google it) is not the mark of a decent person, in my book.
  • It takes far too long for six supposedly intelligent vampires to work out who is behind the killing spree. It’s really not a difficult connection to make.
  • Edward on surviving a plane crash:

I’d wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you [Bella], kick out the wall, and jump.

Oh, good grief. If your vampires are going to be able to survive plane crashes, at least make it believable.

  • Bella and Edward’s relationship is at best obsessive, and at worst creepy. On Edward’s departure for a weekend’s hunting trip, Bella tells her lucky readers that

I would never admit to him how hard it was for me when he was gone – how it brought back the abandonment nightmares.

This I find slightly worrying. More worrying is Edward’s anger when Bella goes to see Jacob behind his back:

Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty?

“I nearly started an inter-species war! And it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!”

I’m trying to think of redeeming features of Eclipse. Nothing comes to mind. I don’t think I’ll be reading Twilight, New Moon or Eclipse again. Only Breaking Dawn to go now…

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